i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
