I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
