I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
