I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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