OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
