Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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