Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
