I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
