What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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