Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
