I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
