What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
tell me about the eggs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
