I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The feeling are messing with the penis
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
