your thong is hanging out like whoa
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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