My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
