Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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