First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
