dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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