you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
