somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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