i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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