I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
