Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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