I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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