I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
