I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
