please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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