I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Everyone says I win the strip club
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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