I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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