I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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