I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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