So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
