My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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