I met the friendliest cop last night
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
