why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
