it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
