If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
