Is it normal to miss your booty call?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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