She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
