she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
