I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize