he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize