i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have demons in me.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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