I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
