i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
