O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
