Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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