I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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