I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
