The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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