ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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