ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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