I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
