Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
