girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We're too hungover to prance.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
