ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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