Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
