you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize