Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
