People in love make me want to vomit
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just gargled with NyQuil
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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