Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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