Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my sisters under your porch take her home
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
