Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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