If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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