did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Still dying that you shit outside
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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