there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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