Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
