woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is wine microwaveable?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
