Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
