It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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