The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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