PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
