i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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