One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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