i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
