Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
