It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
