just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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