Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Are we in a gay sports bar?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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