So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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