tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
