Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
