Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
