Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
