Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
