I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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