BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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