dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize