girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
