Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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