Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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