i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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