I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
