just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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