so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
