you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize