i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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