You can't motorboat a personality
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
